What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit.

Anonymous

MESSY

My life is such a mess right now... self inflicted... yes, most likely. But does that make it hurt any less? No. I have too much on my plate and I am so confused and so lost.

They say that love conquers all... they say that love is all you need... is that really true? I am not so sure that love is enough. Relationships are so hard. And when you fall in love with the "wrong" person, what are you supposed to do? Your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you another. I usually listen to my heart, and it has brought me joy at times, but also pain in the long run.

I am in a situation now where I really feel stuck. I need strength and courage to get through this. I have supportive friends. Some that say, "don't worry Alexiss, we will love you no matter what." And then I have others that think I was a total idiot if they knew what I was really thinking...

To top it all off... my mother insists on calling me and making me feel like complete CRAP. And questioning every little thing. And trying to make me feel bad for something that she has done for over 20 years!!!

At this point I feel like I really only have two people in my corner. Well, three really. But these two people have ALWAYS been there for me... I know that they always will be there for me. They do not judge me. They love me regardless of the "careless" choices I make. Without them... my life would be rather lonely. Charlie and Michelle, I love yall more then you will ever know!!! <3

My Best Friend

My best friend Michelle came over today and brought me a letter and a poem. She said that she found the poem, and someone had given it to her when her grandmother was dying. Michelle knows me so very well... she can see right through me and knows what I am feeling and I don't even have to say anything. She also never judges me for the mistakes I make. She is always right there for me, and when I try to push her away, she pushed her way back in. I am a lucky gal to have the people in my life that I do. Each and everyone means something special to me. There are times in my life when I feel like my friends are more my family then my actual family. Anyways... here is the poem. It is beautiful.



God looked around his garden and found an empty place
He then looked down upon Earth and saw your tired face
He put his arms around you and he lifted you to rest
God's garden must be beautiful
He only takes the best
He knew that you were suffering
He knew that you were in pain
He knew that you would never get well on Earth again
He saw the road was getting rough and the hills were hard to climb
So he closed your weary eyelids and whispered peace within
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone
For part of us went with you the day God took you home
If tears could build a stairway and heartache could make a lane
We'd walk a path to heaven and bring you back again

Gonna get these tattoos

This is the sagitarius, the archer. I am gonna get it on my left shoulder. He is actually a cenatar, you can not tell in this pic... but I love this design so much, and it has double meanings for me.



And I am going to get this one on my right shoulder. My prison pen pal drew this for me. It is for Scott, he used to call me his hummingbird.



I am not sure which one to get first. They both need minor changes. I need to go talk to my artist and see if he can make the changes that I want. But I will be getting one sometime this month. I am so excited. I have not had a new tattoo in years!

Freedom

I finally feel free... he does that for me.

His Embrace...

... makes me shine... inside and out. I don't care what others may think. I know how I feel on the inside, and that is all that counts.

No More Drama

I'm not to big on R&B, I like rap... but not that much R&B. But this song came on my iPod today when I was working out. I forgot how good it is!! Strong lyrics! I love it!!!! Mary J. Blige has such a powerful voice!!

They have the embedding option disabled for this song on youtube.... click here. <3

HonkyTonk Badonkadonk

This video is so funny!! This guy, Keith Wann, is a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults) and he makes lots of these videos. But this one is hilarious!! But I noticed a mistake, he signs grandpa instead of grandma a couple of times!! Love his shirt though!! You don't get to see the back til the end of the video.

REBEL YELL!!!!

Time for some fun on my blog! Don't yall agree (the 3 of you that read it! LOL)

Sign language in a iPod commercial! I love it!! <3

Who....

... will catch me when I fall?

Longing to be Free

So, I have managed to have my heart broken twice... by the same person... in only one week!! I'm over it! I need to move on! I know that I am a better person then how this person makes me feel. I was fooling myself... have been for months! I am not that girl that is OK with just being there when it is convient for you! He wants to make me feel badly for the things that I have done or have in my life.... don't hate! I have worked very hard to get where I am in my life right now. He knows really nothing of my past and the things in my childhood that have made me who I am today... therefore, his opinion at this point does not matter. He never asked... or seemed to be interested in those things. But claims to be a great friend. I should have listened to ALL the warnings I received from other people that also know him! THEY WERE ALL RIGHT!

So.. today I am making the choice to be free from this! No more tears, or at least a limited amount! I am better, and deserve better!!

Grief

Lacking

I sometimes feel like I was meant to be some sort of an artistic person. I love music, poetry, photography.... but I have not a single bit of creativity in me. But sometimes I hear a song, and the lyrics speak to me so much that I listen to it over and over and over for days. Or sometimes I will find a picture on the Internet, and it really speaks to me... I just wish that I could create things like that to inspire others.

Found this today... pretty much how I have been feeling lately.

Happy Birthday Scott

Sending you tons of kisses to heaven. I miss you baby!!


This has been a pretty hard week for me. Two month mark of losing Scott, losing Kris, and then today Scott's birthday. He would have been 27 today. Yes, he is younger then me... but only by about 7 months. But I plan on staying busy today. I am going to go to my dads after work and hang out with him and then Bruce and I will go out to eat. So then I will sleep the rest of the day til it is time to get up and get ready for work. Scott's family is going out to his grave to drink a beer and then out to eat. But I had to pass this time....

R.I.P. Kris Preston

Today I lost one of my friends from McDonalds. Kris was an awesome guy. He was so unique and sooooo silly. Always making us laugh. He used to call me "Shorty-Do-Wop". I loved that nickname! He was my rap buddy at work. We would work on the grill together and jam to my Ipod. He was also friends with Scott. They used to pretend to fight over me. Preston would tell Scott, "She's mine bro.. you wanna fight?" Scott would start to walk to the door like he was ready to fight and Preston would run the other way. Hahahaha When Scott left for school in Oklahoma, he left Preston in charge... haha, to take care of me. He was such a great guy. He will be greatly missed. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

I will miss you so much Krispy Nugget!!!