ASSHOLE!!

I have no more time and no more I'm sorry's to say. I trusted someone and called them one of my best friends and I get shit on!!! So... who is this ass you may ask? You guess.

Not that great of an ass, is it? So I am probably really starting the war now. But I don't care. I have tried many many times to reach out to this person. I get hung up on and ignored. Well, FUCK YOU WHITNEY! You are now dead to me! I want my fucking shit back! I think that Whitney and Guy would be perfect for each other. They can give each other tips on how to hurt their hags! Assholes.

This Crazy Thing Called Life

I haven't blogged in a while. Things have been very crazy for me lately. I worked 60 hours this week. I am so tired. It was not by choice and it was crazy hours. Working til 11 pm then having to be back at work at 7 in the morning. I am just so wiped out!! There are serious things going on that I can not comment on. But I can say that I am very tired!!!

My mother's trial is coming up very soon. Less then a month! I have worked it out with work to be able to take the time off. And I wasn't going to go, but I have decided that I need to go. Not just for her, but also for me. I need to hear her side of the story. I need to suport her no matter how much she has hurt me in the past. She is still my mother and I love her. I need to be there for her.

Things with Scott and I are going fine. We are still friends. However, I know that this will change once one of us starts dating. I know that I am not planning on dating for a while. I can't even be bothered to shave my legs lately. I don't think I need to be dating. LOL

I am looking forward to Febuary though. I seriously will need it, and it will be two weeks after my mother's trial. I'd say it is very much needed!!! I am so excited to see everyone again!!! Crystal, you have seriously become one of my closest friends. I cherish what we have! Shelly, you my dear are one of the most honest, straight forward, creative people I have met in a very long time! You are so sincere, but can also have a serious conversation and still crack a joke and be spot on!!! I am also looking forward to seeing Rhonda again!! I have not talked to her since Dallas and we totally hit it off! I can't wait to party with the rock star that makes shit happen! And Troy, can't fucking wait to see in that straight jacket! (He will be getting a spanking from me!! tehe) Liam, Annieka, and Ollie.... can't wait to meet yall!!! You have always been so sweet and always there for me when I need to vent! God, the fun we are all going to have!!!!! Plus, the newest addition. OMG. I can't fucking wait!!! Melissa my dear, you know how much you mean to me! I will be seeing you soon!!!! New Years at the River with Troy!! Can't fucking wait!!!!!

OK... I did not mean for this post to become all fucking "mushy". Come on Shelly, let me know how ya really feel about all my mushy talk!!!!!

Moving On

So an update from yesterday:

Scott is moving out.... as I type this. But last night went very smooth. No fighting. He had me open my Christmas presents. We ate dinner. He slept in the bed. Got up at nine and started packing his truck.

I am still shocked that this is all happening. And when I read the post I made yesterday, WOW. I was pissed! It wasn't just the whore that he went out with. It was a group of people. I think I made it sound worse then it really was. Doesn't matter. The whore is mad at me for hanging up on her. Blah blah blah. I could care less about her. Never really liked her from the begining. But, I am hurt that all of this is ending. It is bittersweet. Scott and I have really been through a lot together. I think it was all the fucked up shit that kept us together so long.

I know in my heart, no matter how much it hurts, that this is the right move for me. I know that I can do it without him here. I did it for two years. But I would be lying if I said that I won't miss him. This is such a confusing time for me. I am happy, relieved, sad, and still mad all at the same time.

Today May Be the Day

I have a feeling that Scott and I are about to split. We both had separate plans last night. I went out with my cousin, and he went out with a whore and her friends. Why do I call her a whore? Well, for starters she married one of Scott's brothers and had two kids. Divorced him, married a different brother and had another kid. Got divorced. Married another man... not one of Scott's brothers, and had another kid. No longer has any of her kids. I think she said because she went back to school, or whatever. I don't really know. Anyways, so he went to a bar with her. I went to a play with my cousin. I asked him if he would be gone all night, he stated no. I also gave him $40 so that he could drink. Scott is a big boy, and $40 at a bar is nothing for him. So, anyways. 3:00 am rolls around. He is still not here, so I go to bed. I figure he would be home soon. I wake up at 5:30 am, still not here. I try to all. Phone off. I leave a message. 6:3o rolls around. Now I am starting to get worried. So I call his mother for the "whore's" phone number. I tell her what is going on, she gives me the number. I call, she doesn't answer. I leave a message. Another hour passes. His mother calls me back and says that Scott is at the whore's house. The whore's sister told her that Scott "overdid" it last night and they took his keys and he slept at the whore's house. So, I call him. Leave another message about how pissed I am that I didn't even get a phone call from him! Well folks, it is almost 11:30. I still have not heard from him. I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THIS KIND OF CRAP!!! I am too tired mentally to deal with this shit. And I swear to God, if he slept with her, I will never fucking touch him again. I don't mean in a sexual way. I literally will never touch him again!

Who Have I Become?

You all know how much I am struggling lately with everything in my life. I feel very lost. But I have come to realize that my "cyber" family, turned "flesh" family, really IS my family. I really just want to say thank you to all of you that listen to me bitch non-stop about all my problems. It is more then my real family does.

As many of you know, I received a letter from my mother this week. It was a very hard letter to read. To see what she thinks of me. I know that it wasn't all her in that letter. And while I was reading it, I could see her mental illness coming through. I know in my heart that she did not mean to hurt me. Although I have been told by some that she is trying to bring me down with her. I really don't think that is the case. I think that she just doesn't know how to be therapeutic in my time of need. And perhaps I am being a bit selfish to expect that from her right now. As she has said, she is fighting for her life right now and battling her own demons. She really can help me through with my shit right now. But that hurts also. I really don't know what I expected from her. I guess maybe since she has battled with depression for so long, she would understand my feelings. Instead I was told that I am acting like a spoiled brat. I can't help it that I feel things a certain way. And when I feel it, I can't control it. I feel as if I don't know myself right now. I am disgusted with myself on so many levels of my life. I hate feeling so empty and lonely even with great people around me.

NO CHUBBIES

Scott and I saw these commercials when we were in Colorado. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing on TV. These commercials are for a gym where they throw cupcakes at you and call you fat to motivate you to lose weight. I am not so sure that this would work for me....







Here is their blog.
http://theantigym.blogspot.com/