BOOTY BUMPS

OMG!!! Josh is such a dirty lil whore!!!! And James seems to know a lot... how could they not question... hmmmmmmmmmmm

Don't Care What Anyone Else Thinks...

.... I love the new song! Makes me wanna dance! And plus JT is sooooo damn yummylicious! And of course so is Madonna! She is bangin! Woots! Now dance peoples!!! You know you wanna! I can't wait to buy the cd on the 29th!

Comfort Call

I talked to Scott last night on the phone. It was the first real conversation we have really had since he moved away. But it was nice. Of course parts of it hurt. I was crying, he was upset. Things were said like, "Well you were the one that kicked me out" and I had to remind him that he was looking for jobs in other states so it was bound to happen anyways. He says that if we would have stayed together, he would tried like hell to get me to go with him. I know in my heart, and knew then, that I wasn't leaving. As isolated as I feel here sometimes, could you imagine me somewhere else where I truly know no one? But he and I talked about my "craziness" and how I have been feeling. I know that I talk about all the bad parts of Scott. Yes, he is not the most responsible. But I do honestly believe that he is trying to work on that. We have had a very bumpy road together. Tragedy after tragedy, drug addictions, money problems, health issues. We have almost seen it all in the four years we were together. He is a good person. And it hurts because I know eventually our friendship will fade. It will have to. It is hard to stay friends with your ex's. Just to complicated. But, I needed him last night. And he was there. It was very comforting.

Alone

I often times feel so very alone. Even though I am surrounded by people that love me. I can't help it. I have these moments where I feel like nothing can be fixed. There is nothing that anyone can say or do. I just need to feel it out. I know that I am not alone in this world. I know that I have so many wonderful people in my life that love and care for me. But lately, I have just had this feeling of worthlessness and lonliness. I can't seem to shake it. Has been going on for a little over a week now. Yesterday was the Columbine anniversary and it has struck me hard this year. Part of it is my own fault. I got so wrapped up in watching clips of Eric and Dylan on youtube. And then when I got home I watched Bowling For Columbine... which I usually do on that day every year. I had nightmares all night about murder... blood everywhere. I did not finish the movie last night. But I will not be watching the rest of it tonight. The one year mark is also coming up for the events that happened with my mother. I just feel lost right now. I can't explain it, and I don't know how to fix it. I think that I do it to myself many times. But once my brain starts on something, it is hard for me to turn it off. I become obsessive to the point of driving myself crazy. And without Scott here to stop me, he usually was pretty good of making me snap out of it, I feel like I am sinking. I consider many of you my good friends... but Scott was not only my boyfriend. He truely was my best friend. He understood me like no one else did. And in times like these... I miss him very very much.

I didn't want to post this... I have been debating for a week if I should post how I have been feeling. I am not looking for sympathy. I guess I really just wanted to get it out.

Remember Columbine

Today is the 9 year anniversary of the Columbine shootings. I just can not believe that it was 9 years ago. I attended Columbine High School for one semester of my freshman year. But I also went to elementary school with some of the people that went to CHS. I will never forget the day of the shootings. The fear and uncertainty. The confusion of it all. I knew both of the killers, they rode my school bus and lived in the neighborhood behind my grandmothers. I also knew one of the girls killed. Lauren Townsend. I went to elementary school with her. I have pictures of us as children at birthday parties. She was so smart. She was on her way pf being valedictorian of her graduating class. When I went to the Columbine Memorial I stood next to her inscription for the longest time. Her was in the direction of the mountains. The memorial is such a beautiful place. They did a really good job on it. It was hard not to cry there.



This day changed my life forever.

Life Legacies

This is the b-day card I got from my grandma yesterday. Totally made me tear up! I love this card!!!

Live Deep

Never stop learning, playing,

or finding wonder

in the world around you.

Live the length of your life,

but live the depth of it as well.

Travel Light

There is no use in carrying around

worry and regret.

They only weigh you down.

Always keep yourself open

to hope and love.

They give us wings.

Forgive Imperfections

In yourself and others.

Imperfections keep things interesting.

They're the cracks

where the light shines through.

Own Beautiful Things

And not just to keep in the drawer,

tucked away for a perfect day.

Surround yourself with the things

that make you happy,

that remind you of the beauty all around us

if we only keep our eyes open to it.

Make Mistakes

Follow detours. Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn

to help us find the life

that is waiting for us around the bend.

Trust yourself and the path

that is meant for you.

Take Care of Yourself

And sometimes that means

you need the ice cream.

Be good to your body,

but also to your mind and spirit.

You are the only one that can.