Scott and I met when I was working at McDonalds. I had just broken up with my ex boyfriend of five years. The first thing about Scott that I noticed was all his tattoos. His friend was sort of seeing my cousin, so I asked her if she could "hook it up". But I told her that I wanted nothing serious because I had just broken up with Stave. I just really wanted a guy to have some fun with! So, one night I invited him to the house to hang out. We went to the little bar that Amanda was working at and had a couple of beers. Then, we went on a "real" date with my cousin and Scott's friend. See, Scott was supposed to be moving to Alaska to live with his brother in a month. So, in my eyes it couldn't have been more prefect. I just wanted to have some fun, and he was leaving anyways. But, on August 9, 2003 we found out after staying up all night that his best friend, Patrick had passed away. It was on that same day that Scott told me that he did not want to move to Alaska and that he wanted to stay in Louisiana to be with me. We worked together at McDonalds for about a year.
The first year of our relationship was full of ups and downs. We were using drugs at this time. But, when I decided to go to nursing school, I knew that my life was going to have to change. Scott was not ready for this change... but little did we know, his life was about to change more then we knew.
In August of 2004 we noticed that he had a lump under his arm. At first we thought it was a swollen sweat gland. We were putting hot compresses on it. But it began to grow..... fast. So, his mother took him to see their doctor. I won't go into every step we had to take during this process... but it was not easy or fast by any means. Scott did not have insurance, so he had to go to Earl K Long for treatment. By the time they removed the mass, it was the size of a softball. This is when they told us that he had melanoma. Of course there were tears and hugs, but we had to stay strong for when Scott woke up from his surgery. At this point I don't think it had really sunk in my brain how serious this was. It wasn't until they also decided that they needed to remove the lymph nodes on that left side as well. I started to do research on stage 3 melanoma and what I read... none of it was very good. Scott did try treatment for about a month. He was getting massive doses of interferon 5 days a week. It made him so depressed. He thought about suicide often. We were also having other personal problems during this time. It was very hard for me because I felt like it wasn't fair to break up with him while he was sick, but I also knew that I could not live with him with the way our lives were going. It had nothing to do with the cancer.... but everything to do with the drugs...
See, he had disappeared on me one weekend. He went out partying in hotels with his friends. I am not sure what they were doing... but I have a pretty good idea. He still had one more week of treatment after that. But, he had called me one night from the hotel and asked me to come out there and stay with him. So, I did. We decided that he should come home and we would work things out. We tried for a bit longer... but it just was not working. I know that he was dealing with a lot mentally. But I was going to school and trying to work and support us both and he was busy partying with his friends. So, one night I told him that I loved him with all my heart and I want to be with him. But that if he wanted to be a part of my life, he would have to prove it and do something with himself. He said that he understood and then moved in with his grandmother.
We were still dating at this point... just not living together. Well, to my surprise one night he told me that he had enrolled in college! I was so excited for him!!! But then he told me it was in Oklahoma. My heart sank a little bit. But I was happy for him and happy that he was finally doing something with all the potential that I knew he had. Of course, I let him come home before he left for school. He told me that this school worked in six week terms and that he would be able to come home often. And he did... we made it work long distance for two years.
Scott graduated August 28, 2007 with a degree in avionics electronics. I had never been so happy for him as I was on that day! He was so proud of his degree and what he knew! He would talk to me about the things he had learned, but to me it was like another language... never did understand all that electronics talk.
Scott stayed in Oklahoma for a while after graduation. The school he went to helps you find a job after you graduate. There was nothing in Louisiana that Scott wanted to do. But, in October he did come home. Some of you may remember my Halloween story of the pumpkin last year... LOL
Scott continued to look for work. Everything he could find that he really wanted to do was out of state. He always asked me to go with him, but I did not want to leave my home. I happen to love where I live and did not want to leave. Scott could not stand Louisiana and just wanted to get out. He had a pretty good offer in Florida, and I really did consider going with him. Some of yall may remember me blogging about that. But then he found this job out in Arizona and it was also where his good friend Edwin was living. So, I knew that he was going to be leaving, and he knew that I was going to be staying. He went out one night with some of his friends, and did not come home that night. I was so hurt by him and the people he was with for not calling me, that I used that as an excuse to break up with him because I knew that he was leaving anyways. But we did get to go on a trip to Colorado for Thanksgiving before we broke up. I am so happy that he was able to meet all my family there.
Scott left for Arizona around the same time as the sentencing trial for my mother. It was also Mardi Gras time. I was a basket case of emotions. But even though he was in another state, we still spoke on the phone. I always considered him my best friend. He knew me more then anyone else on this planet. All the good and the bad... he knew it all and loved me anyways. When I found out this summer that his cancer had come back, I asked him to come home. He resisted at first, until he realized that he really needed to. It has been a very hard road these last couple of months. But I do not regret anything. I feel blessed that he wanted to come home to me to die. I stuck by him the whole time he was here in the hospital. Wouldn't have done it any other way.
On Monday, Oct 6th I was at work alone. Carey called me to tell me that they thought that Scott would be passing very soon. I tried to get off work early, but no one could come take my spot. The night nurse did come in a little early and I was able to leave. When I got home, I also knew that it was going to be very soon. His temp at one point had gotten up to 107 and he was having a hard time breathing. I sat next to his bed, he just looked at me and I told him, "Don't you worry, I am right here. I am not going anywhere. I love you." I ate some food, we all talked for a bit. His uncle came over. I went and loved on him so more. Told him that it was OK to go. That if he was ready, then go. I told him that I loved him and he just stared at me. He was trying to speak but he couldn't. But I could tell by the look in his eyes what he was telling me. I told him then to close his eyes and try to get some rest and he seemed to calm down a bit. Then I sat down to eat a root beer float when his mother noticed a change in his breathing... it was happening. We were all there, around his bed. I held his hand as I watched him take his last breath. It was Oct 7th, 1:08 AM.
Scott and I have been through so much together. Good and bad... but it was all worth it. I will miss him so much. I still feel a bit in shock, because I can not imagine my life without him. He was my tedy bear and I was his hummingbird. I will miss him being a twerp to me, I will miss the little songs he used to make up for me, I will miss him holding me tight.
R.I.P. Scott
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