No More Drama

I'm not to big on R&B, I like rap... but not that much R&B. But this song came on my iPod today when I was working out. I forgot how good it is!! Strong lyrics! I love it!!!! Mary J. Blige has such a powerful voice!!

They have the embedding option disabled for this song on youtube.... click here. <3

HonkyTonk Badonkadonk

This video is so funny!! This guy, Keith Wann, is a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults) and he makes lots of these videos. But this one is hilarious!! But I noticed a mistake, he signs grandpa instead of grandma a couple of times!! Love his shirt though!! You don't get to see the back til the end of the video.

REBEL YELL!!!!

Time for some fun on my blog! Don't yall agree (the 3 of you that read it! LOL)

Sign language in a iPod commercial! I love it!! <3

Who....

... will catch me when I fall?

Longing to be Free

So, I have managed to have my heart broken twice... by the same person... in only one week!! I'm over it! I need to move on! I know that I am a better person then how this person makes me feel. I was fooling myself... have been for months! I am not that girl that is OK with just being there when it is convient for you! He wants to make me feel badly for the things that I have done or have in my life.... don't hate! I have worked very hard to get where I am in my life right now. He knows really nothing of my past and the things in my childhood that have made me who I am today... therefore, his opinion at this point does not matter. He never asked... or seemed to be interested in those things. But claims to be a great friend. I should have listened to ALL the warnings I received from other people that also know him! THEY WERE ALL RIGHT!

So.. today I am making the choice to be free from this! No more tears, or at least a limited amount! I am better, and deserve better!!

Grief

Lacking

I sometimes feel like I was meant to be some sort of an artistic person. I love music, poetry, photography.... but I have not a single bit of creativity in me. But sometimes I hear a song, and the lyrics speak to me so much that I listen to it over and over and over for days. Or sometimes I will find a picture on the Internet, and it really speaks to me... I just wish that I could create things like that to inspire others.

Found this today... pretty much how I have been feeling lately.

Happy Birthday Scott

Sending you tons of kisses to heaven. I miss you baby!!


This has been a pretty hard week for me. Two month mark of losing Scott, losing Kris, and then today Scott's birthday. He would have been 27 today. Yes, he is younger then me... but only by about 7 months. But I plan on staying busy today. I am going to go to my dads after work and hang out with him and then Bruce and I will go out to eat. So then I will sleep the rest of the day til it is time to get up and get ready for work. Scott's family is going out to his grave to drink a beer and then out to eat. But I had to pass this time....

R.I.P. Kris Preston

Today I lost one of my friends from McDonalds. Kris was an awesome guy. He was so unique and sooooo silly. Always making us laugh. He used to call me "Shorty-Do-Wop". I loved that nickname! He was my rap buddy at work. We would work on the grill together and jam to my Ipod. He was also friends with Scott. They used to pretend to fight over me. Preston would tell Scott, "She's mine bro.. you wanna fight?" Scott would start to walk to the door like he was ready to fight and Preston would run the other way. Hahahaha When Scott left for school in Oklahoma, he left Preston in charge... haha, to take care of me. He was such a great guy. He will be greatly missed. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

I will miss you so much Krispy Nugget!!!

Let Go

I read Post Secret every week, and every week there are always post cards that I can relate to. But this one really REALLY moved me....



Today makes two months since Scott has passed. It is getting easier to deal with, but I still have my moments. But I know that he would not want me to not enjoy other things in my life because I am hung up on his death. And as I have said before, I am lucky to have the people in my life that I do. Many of you have helped me in ways that you don't even realize.



AND... in two weeks I am leaving for Washington! I can't wait!! I am going to see my friend Sadie. We went to nursing school together. Her family was my family during that time. Her boyfriend was an under water welder and got hurt on the job, so they had to move back home to Washington. I have not seen her in about a year and a half. I miss her two kids and her boyfriend, and her mother. We have decided not to tell her mom that I am coming and to surprise her. That is if the kids can keep the secret! I talked to Sadie the other day and she said that her girls asked her if Scott was coming with me... she had not told them what happened. They loved his mohawk! She told them that Scott was in heaven now... Things like that are so hard to understand when you are a kid. But, I am really excited to go somewhere new and to be with great people! I really am a lucky girl to have some many great people in my life.

Can't wait to see my girlies!!!!!



And.. just cause I was going through my old photobucket to find pics of Sadie and the kids, I found these old pics from Halloween like 3 years ago. Scott, Corey, and Steve. Hahaa, we had fun that night!

You Will Make it Through

I am so in love with this song right now.... I miss Scott so much. I just want to talk to him... I mean, I know that I can talk to him, and I do. But, I want him back.

The Things That Bring Me Joy

Lately this is what makes me smile.... and how could it not. My godchildren bring a lot of joy in my life. I have four of them! Last weekend Britton and Gibson stayed with me.

"I'm a little teapot..."


Britton LOVES the drums... and no, this wasn't at my house. This was at his neighbor's house. He couldn't believe that they were letting him play them for so long. He loved the symbols!

Sweet Letters

So, tonight before I left for work I grabbed a book off the bookshlef to bring with me because I had already finished all my work earlier in the week... and I am so bored in here at night! Well, what would be the chance that the book I grabbed had two letters in it from Scott? Old letters from the first time I broke up with him because he was doing nothing with his life... and then he ended up going to college because of it. I would like to share one of the letters. It shows the sweet side of Scott that very few people knew.

Dear Alexiss,
I just want to take a moment here to thank you for all that you've done for me. I thank thee for all the most wonderful times we spent together. You have brought something very special to me, a chance to be loved and cared for like no one else has ever done. Thank you for always being there for me, being by my side when I needed you most. With you there with me when I found out about Patrick meant and means so much to me. When I found out I had cancer, you were there holding my hand, with you there I didn't care as long as I had you with me. You stayed with me for both surgeries and that made things go much easier for me. You were there right before I had surgery holding my hand by my side and you were there when I woke up doing the same thing. Thank you for always being there for me. I especially want to thank you for giving me a chance to love and be loved. Thank you ever so much for putting up with so much shit. Thank you for giving me a good reason to live. You have been very patient with me thru thick and thin. I want to thank you from deep in my heart for every little thing that you have done. I want to keep writing but its late and I have lots to do tomorrow. You start school tomorrow and I want to wish you the best of luck and I know that you are going to do so well. Alexiss, thank you so much for being you, I love you and always will love you. You are my special woman, you are my hummingbird.
Forever Love,
Scott

My Lil Dragon

So... I am a little late posting these... but here are the ADORABLE pics of my godchild Caden on Halloween in the cutest costume EVER! <3

One Month

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

It has been one month today that we lost Scott. I miss him so much. But it gets easier everyday. I am so lucky to be surrounded by people that love me, and that includes my cyber family!! Everyone has been so supportive! I couldn't ask for a better group of friends!

Here are some silly pics that Scott took when he was bored in the hospital. Such a goofball... he never lost that twerpy side of him that I loved so much. Even down to the last days he was calling his brother pussy lips. LOL




this one is my fav...