It Never Fails

Now I know that my life is not that bad. I really am tired of complaining to everyone all the time. I hate that my blog has turned into a pity party for me. I know that it could be much worse then it is. But damn it, I am so tired of being stressed out. And it seems that everyday it is something else that is stressing me out!!!

Last night... wait, let me correct that. This morning at 2:30 Scott decided to tell me that he had his first over the phone job interview with the people in Florida. He said that he should be having another phone interview this week and if that guy likes him, he will be flying out for an interview. Now, they are offering him $5,000 to move. They are also offering to pay $5,000 of his student loans a year and to pay for him to go back to school if he wants to. Now, I know what a good deal this is. I would never tell him not to take it. But, he wants me to move with him. He said that it doesn't have to be permenant. That we could just rent our house out to either his mother or his father. But I have major problems with this. Let's see. Where do I start.

1. I do not want to move somewhere where I have no friends or family. I moved to Louisiana to be with my dad when he got sick. He is doing good now, but I do not want to leave him. He means the world to me and even though I have been acused of not being a good daughter...several times, I still love my father and can not imagine being that far away from him again.

2. I love my job. I have a very unique job. My pay isn't the best, but it is a state job which is known to have awesome benefits, and I do! If I leave, I will also be leaving all that behind and I can not be reasurred that when I come back I will be rehired here. I have formed relationships here with my co-workers and also the students. I am looking forward to watching them grow up and graduate. I plan on staying here a long time.

3. I have moved around my whole life. I am tired of it and just want to be settled. When I got my house I planned on it being home for a very long time.

4. My best friend just had a baby. I am his godmother. I planned on being a big part of his life. I want to be there to watch him grow up. I fear sometimes that I may never have kids of my own, so my godchildren are very important to me. I do not want to leave them behind.

I am sure that I could come up with more reasons that I don't want to leave. But you get the point. There is only one reason I would go and that is for Scott. And please don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart. So, does that make me a bad person for not wanting to go with him? It seems that this just the way it goes. It seems that the men always seem to get jobs elsewhere or get transfered and we, as women are just suposed to follow. Well, I do not agree with that at all. I am happy here and that doesn't mean that I couldn't be happy in Florida. But, I just really don't want to leave. But I keep thinking about it. There is a small part of me that kinda wants to go, but my heart tells me that I really wouldn't be happy there. My gut is telling me that I should stay for all the reason's I listed plus many more. I am just so confused. I don't want to lose Scott,but I also don't think that I can handle him being gone. He just got home from being gone for two years. I don't want to have a long distance relationship, but it seems so aweful to break up because of a wonderful job offer. Well, I mean, I guess I am jumping the gun a bit. He hasn't even gotten the job yet. But that is just me. I worry about EVERYTHING! Just in my nature!

But anyways! To get my mind off all the crap, I am going to go see Uree this weekend! I can't wait! I know that Simon and the ghetto mattress miss me!!!!