Aaahhhhhhhhh

So, one week from now I will be sitting in a court room and I am totally starting to freak the fuck out. How am I going to do this? I am so scared. And I feel as if I am being selfish, because I know that my mother is very scared. But a part of me can't help but think that she should be. The more evidence that I hear about what happened that night. Things that have been proven have just filled my head with nothing but doubt. I mean, please don't think that I am heartless. I love my mother, but I also know her. And it is a very sad and painful thing to realize that your mother is actually capable of doing the things she has done. Whether it be planned or in the heat of the moment. Doesn't matter. She still went through with it. I got a phone call today from an investigator. It was a very hard conversation. I had to be honest. I am not so sure that I helped much. I am so torn and scared. And right now I am so lonely. I miss Scott being here to comfort and hug me. I need physical affection right now and have no one in my life that can give it to me. Argh! I was doing fine until I got that fucking phone call. Now here I am back in freak out mode. God, please just let this be over with. I am ready to put it behind me and have some closure.