Lost in Devestation

So, I know that I have said that I would call many of you and let you know what is going on, but it has been really hard for me to even pick up the phone.

Yesterday the jury got to the courthouse at 8:00 am. We too were there. Waiting for their verdict. I am guessing that many of yall have figured out why I have not been around. The jury found my mother guilty of both charges. Attempt murder in the first degree and aggravated assault. The minimum sentence that she can receive is 16 years. so, to all those that told me not to sweat it, that she would probably serve 2 years... you all did not know what you were talking about. I had felt so dumb for many months feeling scared that my mother would be locked away for 20 years and so many people told that it wouldn't happen like that, that it just couldn't. Well, guess what... that is what it is looking like now. Then the fucking investigator on the DA side said that he wants the judge to consider 24 years as a minimum. What a fucking asshole! I don't understand what he has to gain but making her serve those extra years! At this time I do not feel like going into details of the case. There are many complicated things that are involved. And the DA is a fucking asshole. I know that he is doing his job, but he LIED in his closing statements! Even the investigator on my mom's side was crying yesterday! We have been told that there is a huge issue that they can bring to appeal. So I am trying very hard to be confident that my mother can stay strong and go through the appeal process and win. Mom doesn't seem to think that it will do her any good unless we hire an attorney that specializes in self defence cases.

I know what my mother had been going through up in the canyon with Steve. She had been calling me for months before the shooting happened crying about what he was doing to her. She had so much proof of domestic violence against her by him. I just don't fucking understand why 12 fucking people could all think that she was guilty. Steve was up on the stand fucking laughing about himself being an idiot or having 4 loaded guns in the house with 2 small children! Yes, that is what I said, 4 loaded guns!! Not locked up! Out in the open!!! And he is charged with NOTHING!!!!! Argh!

When I am feeling more up to it, I will post more about the case and the fucked up things that happened. I am just so upset and lost right now! Oh, and to top it all off. The sentencing hearing is February 4th. Now, how in the hell am I supposed to be out having fun at Mardi Gras, knowing that my mother will be receiving her sentence to prison!?!? My life is upside down right now. I don't even know how I will make it to work Sunday. Although when I talked to mom yesterday night, she told me to go on with my life. That I can do nothing for her now and shouldn't cry about it.

I dunno. I am gonna go for now. I miss you all and when I am ready to talk, I will call. I am going to be OK. I am surrounded by family right now so don't worry about me. Love you all.