Showin Love

So, I have not been blogging..... but I do know that there is one special brit that checks my blog regularly... and just adds to the reason as to why he is the perfect specimen. LIAM, hunny. I love you!!! xoxoxoxo



Can't wait to have you back in NOLA!!!!

Jonny's Done it Again

YAY!!! A new video by Jonny McGovern. I love him! He is so funny!!!

One Year

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.


I have such mixed emotions about today. Today is the one year mark of my mother shooting Steve. Brings back a lot of scary thoughts and feelings. But it is also a good thing, that means she has also served one year in. Her sentencing was 18 years, but with good behavior, she will only serve 12. So that means only 11 to go. Hopefully they will go as fast as this last year has gone.

I sure do miss her. I sometimes still can't believe that all of this has happened. It is one of those things were you think that it will never happen in your family, but you never know what will happen. I learned that a year ago today. I am really trying to get up there in July to see her. I still have not had a real visit with her. Only through plexiglass and gross jail phones.

Considering how I was feeling about two weeks ago, I am doing really well today. I mean, of course I am thinking of my mother, but I do not feel depressed or alone.

BOOTY BUMPS

OMG!!! Josh is such a dirty lil whore!!!! And James seems to know a lot... how could they not question... hmmmmmmmmmmm

Don't Care What Anyone Else Thinks...

.... I love the new song! Makes me wanna dance! And plus JT is sooooo damn yummylicious! And of course so is Madonna! She is bangin! Woots! Now dance peoples!!! You know you wanna! I can't wait to buy the cd on the 29th!

Comfort Call

I talked to Scott last night on the phone. It was the first real conversation we have really had since he moved away. But it was nice. Of course parts of it hurt. I was crying, he was upset. Things were said like, "Well you were the one that kicked me out" and I had to remind him that he was looking for jobs in other states so it was bound to happen anyways. He says that if we would have stayed together, he would tried like hell to get me to go with him. I know in my heart, and knew then, that I wasn't leaving. As isolated as I feel here sometimes, could you imagine me somewhere else where I truly know no one? But he and I talked about my "craziness" and how I have been feeling. I know that I talk about all the bad parts of Scott. Yes, he is not the most responsible. But I do honestly believe that he is trying to work on that. We have had a very bumpy road together. Tragedy after tragedy, drug addictions, money problems, health issues. We have almost seen it all in the four years we were together. He is a good person. And it hurts because I know eventually our friendship will fade. It will have to. It is hard to stay friends with your ex's. Just to complicated. But, I needed him last night. And he was there. It was very comforting.

Alone

I often times feel so very alone. Even though I am surrounded by people that love me. I can't help it. I have these moments where I feel like nothing can be fixed. There is nothing that anyone can say or do. I just need to feel it out. I know that I am not alone in this world. I know that I have so many wonderful people in my life that love and care for me. But lately, I have just had this feeling of worthlessness and lonliness. I can't seem to shake it. Has been going on for a little over a week now. Yesterday was the Columbine anniversary and it has struck me hard this year. Part of it is my own fault. I got so wrapped up in watching clips of Eric and Dylan on youtube. And then when I got home I watched Bowling For Columbine... which I usually do on that day every year. I had nightmares all night about murder... blood everywhere. I did not finish the movie last night. But I will not be watching the rest of it tonight. The one year mark is also coming up for the events that happened with my mother. I just feel lost right now. I can't explain it, and I don't know how to fix it. I think that I do it to myself many times. But once my brain starts on something, it is hard for me to turn it off. I become obsessive to the point of driving myself crazy. And without Scott here to stop me, he usually was pretty good of making me snap out of it, I feel like I am sinking. I consider many of you my good friends... but Scott was not only my boyfriend. He truely was my best friend. He understood me like no one else did. And in times like these... I miss him very very much.

I didn't want to post this... I have been debating for a week if I should post how I have been feeling. I am not looking for sympathy. I guess I really just wanted to get it out.

Remember Columbine

Today is the 9 year anniversary of the Columbine shootings. I just can not believe that it was 9 years ago. I attended Columbine High School for one semester of my freshman year. But I also went to elementary school with some of the people that went to CHS. I will never forget the day of the shootings. The fear and uncertainty. The confusion of it all. I knew both of the killers, they rode my school bus and lived in the neighborhood behind my grandmothers. I also knew one of the girls killed. Lauren Townsend. I went to elementary school with her. I have pictures of us as children at birthday parties. She was so smart. She was on her way pf being valedictorian of her graduating class. When I went to the Columbine Memorial I stood next to her inscription for the longest time. Her was in the direction of the mountains. The memorial is such a beautiful place. They did a really good job on it. It was hard not to cry there.



This day changed my life forever.

Life Legacies

This is the b-day card I got from my grandma yesterday. Totally made me tear up! I love this card!!!

Live Deep

Never stop learning, playing,

or finding wonder

in the world around you.

Live the length of your life,

but live the depth of it as well.

Travel Light

There is no use in carrying around

worry and regret.

They only weigh you down.

Always keep yourself open

to hope and love.

They give us wings.

Forgive Imperfections

In yourself and others.

Imperfections keep things interesting.

They're the cracks

where the light shines through.

Own Beautiful Things

And not just to keep in the drawer,

tucked away for a perfect day.

Surround yourself with the things

that make you happy,

that remind you of the beauty all around us

if we only keep our eyes open to it.

Make Mistakes

Follow detours. Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn

to help us find the life

that is waiting for us around the bend.

Trust yourself and the path

that is meant for you.

Take Care of Yourself

And sometimes that means

you need the ice cream.

Be good to your body,

but also to your mind and spirit.

You are the only one that can.

Shaven

Here ya go Crystal! I found them! They are poor quality. This was in 2000, I think... And it was starting to grow out. But, yes, I once upon a time shaved my head and had bangs in the front. I loved it! So easy to take care of. And it looked good when I was skinnier!

Jr High School

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahaha

Here are some old pictures of me sent to me on myspace from an old friend. I almost died laughing!!!! I guess I was about 13 or so.

If I Could Turn Back Time

I had soooooo much fun these last couple of days!!! Thursday morning did not start off so great! I get a phone call from Melissa first thing in the morning saying that Shelly is stuck in Dallas and her damn flight has been canceled. She told me not to cry yet.... that they were still working on it. So, I got up and went to get my nails done. Melissa called and told me that Shelly would be flying into Baton Rouge, so her and Simon would be coming to my house earlier so that we could pick them up together. And, Mel got to meet my dad! We picked up the girlies and went back to my place to get ready. Melissa gave Sydney her gifts, including her cute new Mary Jane's!!!



So once we were all ready, we headed out to Marksville. And to get to Marksville Louisiana, you have to drive down LA 1 for a loooooonnnnggg time. It was quite scary. Cracksville central. The kind of place that you do not want to break down in!!!! The concert was amazing. But, everyone was sitting down!!!! I am to paranoid about people staring at me and it was KILLING Melissa to have to sit through the concert. It was just weird. Poor Syd couldn't handle it. It was to loud for her and was hurting her ears. None of us even thought about bringing her some ear plugs! But she still enjoyed it and has already scrapbooked her ticket!!!

Then the next day, we hung out at my house being lazy. Shelly had homework to do and I had grass to cut. We wanted to swap places... but just couldn't! We had to get our stuff done so that we could haul our asses back to NOLA. I was ready to meet JD!

Fast forward to the fun! So we get to NOLA all beautified and gorgeous. First stop was Lafites. We had to bring Frankie his picture with James that we have been trying to bring to him since Mardi Gras! And, YAY, he was finally there! He was all excited to get his picture! He is just so adorable!!!!

Then to the pub to find JD. Saw him sitting at the bar upstairs.... snuck up behind him and gave him a little tickle. Then came the squeals and the jumping and the hugging!! YAY! And let me tell you that weren't there, JD is more handsome in person! He just glows!

We had some drinks... then Shelly said we had to go dance to show the "unfortunates" how. Bad idea for me! This is when I turned into the sweat monster, and I was not drunk enough... so I cared. LOL. Here are some of our fagulous pictures!


Night would not be complete without these pictures....



And the best for last. Sweet fag hag love!

Sucks to be back at work today. I want to be out in NOLA still playing with all my friends. But I have Bianca Del Rio to look forward to in two weeks! And.... JD has informed me that he is moving back to NOLA in January! Hurry up and get here bitch! NOLA needs you!

Things to Come

Get ready bitches! I am totally stoked for next week. Is it March 27th yet? I can not wait for the fag hag extraordinaries to be all together again (minus one, Crystal wish you were here)!!!! NOLA watch out, here we come!!!!!

I even get to meet Mini Shelly!!!!

First on the list of things to do is to go see Heart! I have seen Heart two times. The first time I was 5 and my step mother at the time brought me. I can't really say that I remember much. But I know it was fabulous!!! People probably thought Sharon was crazy bringing a 5 year old to a rock concert.... but this was not my first. My first was Joan Jett! Anywho..... and the second time I went was with my mother a couple of years ago at Fiddler's Green in Colorado. Oh God, we had so much fun! I miss times like that with my mother.... OK not gonna get sappy here. I am thrilled that Syd is coming with us to the concert! So exciting for her! I am excited. It going to be a blast!!!
Love Ann and Nancy!!! <3

AND for the finale of my week off from work, I get to meet the gorgeous James (JD) and his hottie friends! We are gonna paint Bourbon Street with glitter, as he says. A fun drunken night hanging in the Fruit Loop in NOLA, there is no other way I would rather end my vacation! Get ready James!! You are about to meet the best damn fag hags you will ever meet!!!!

Finally a Bit of Good News From Colorado

I called my grandmother tonight to talk to her about the court date today. Today was the day of the court date for the kids regarding visitations. There is a bit of bad news as well. But it is something that we all knew would happen anyways. Let's just get the bad news out of the way. The kids father now has full custody. They are no longer wards of the state. I have very mixed feelings about this. I do not think that they are in a very good environment. I know that they love their father, and he loves them. But it just isn't a happy home life. But what this also means is that social services is done. The kids are no longer required to go to counseling. It is now in their father's hands to see they get the counseling they need. I don't see that happening and that really worries me. But, enough with that. Let's move onto the good news. My family was able to get a court order stating that my grandparents are allowed one weekend a month visitation and my mother is allowed one visitation a month. They are worried about my little brother. He seems to really be struggling with all of this the most. I think that he may be scared to go see mom. I just hope that he doesn't distance himself so much that it isn't fixable later down the road. But I am very happy for mom. Visitations will not be easy. The facility that mom is in is about a 3 hour drive. But my grandmother wants her to be able to see the kids, so I know that they will work everything out. I know that my little sister can't wait to see mom. I am happy that they both get this opportunity.

Strange

I witnessed a strange site today and thought that I would share. I live kinda in the woods, in the middle of no where. Well, on my way to work today I see this guy. He runs across the street that I am driving on. Then jumps in the air and does a flip to cross the ditch! I mean.... it is just strange. He was wearing baggy blue jeans and a dirty looking gray shirt. Not at all the type that you would think would be outside doing gymnastics. I wish I would have got it on camera. Cause it may not sound that strange with me writing it. But it was weird to see. It is just so out of place. And after he flipped over the ditch, he continued walking down the street as if nothing happened.