Los Angeles Haggin Day Three

So, on day three we were invited to go on a Death Tour of L.A. with James on a Daily Freak Show! YAY!

First on the list is a cemetery that is literally hidden between a bunch of buildings! You never would have known it was there!!! First we found Carol Ann!!! Go to the light!!!!

Then on to Marilyn Monroe...

We walked around the cemetery and filmed and found graves. I don't want to say to much, because it will soon be on the Daily Freak Show. But I will tell you all about Melissa stopped a funeral. LOL. When we were about to leave, there was a funeral taking place. James told us about our next destination. Well, Melissa screams, YAY OMG! The funeral stops. We all just look at each other and decide it is time to go. I swear, we can't bring her anywhere. LOL. We also went to the Roosevelt Hotel where the ghost of Marilyn is rumored to appear in a mirror... but we also got kicked out. Haha. Then our day of filming came to an end. I have a feeling I will not be in much of the footage. Most of the time, I had no clue what he was talking about, except when it came to Divine!! So, YAY! Stay tuned for the next Daily Freak Show!!!

We also went out to dinner that night. I wanted sushi, so we went to a place called Kabuki. Great name, right? YAY. And on the way, we found Michael Jackson's star!

And, here we are waiting for James and our food!

Los Angeles Haggin Day Four

Day four was officially labeled Steven Corfe day. YAY! Melissa had been waiting for this day the whole trip! Here we are walking to Mel's Diner to eat!

Melissa found the Journey star!! Don't stop believin!!!!

And here we are chillin like villains...


After lunch we went back to the WOW building for our tour!! First stop was the basement where all the goodies are stored!!! James gave us the history of the building. The basement used to be a punk rock club and there is all kinds of crazy cool graffiti down there!! We then got to go through the boxes of Party Monster outfits from the movie! OMG!!!!! Here we are playing dress up!! WOOTS! La La...


Next stop... off to meet Joey and Tom! YAY! And of course, by this point I am sweaty and gross from playing in the basement. Just my luck, meeting the two straight cuties of WOW and I am a sweat monster. Typical!

We also met Lydia and Cooper.

And of course, Melissa almost got us kicked out!!

We also got to go through James' box of pictures and goodies with stories. It was sooo much fun. A great way to end the trip.

Los Angeles Haggin Day Five

Time to go home. I didn't want to leave. Los Angeles was not what I expected. I thought it would be "plastic". But, there were so many nice and interesting people there. I can not wait to go back. Which I am hoping to do so in November. But, we shall see. It wasn't the same without Shelly. But something tells me we will never get her out there! Ollie brought us to the airport.

We found the cutest boy at LAX, and here is his ass!!!

And here we are on the plane... leaving a wonderful city and wonderful people. It was an amazing trip!

Life's Hurdles

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. It started off with drama between my mother and my grandmother. I love both of these women dearly. And my Nana does not want me to be stuck in the middle of their argument... but when it comes to my mother, I have no choice. I feel like when she calls, I have to answer. I feel like many times, I can not tell her what I really think because I do not want to upset her or hurt fer feelings. I believe that I am the only one that she really trusts. And that hurts me, because I am not honest with her most of the times. But I am scared of upsetting her and I don't want her to feel alone in this world. I could go on and on about this subject... but I will not. It only upsets me, and there are thoughts in my head that should stay there.

Wednesday my father got into another motorcycle accident. He blacked out and went in the ditch. He states that he felt fine all day and had no warning that he was about to pass out. He was about to turn into the driveway, turned his blinker on. Then the next thing he knew, he woke up in the ditch not knowing where he was or what had happened. When the EMT's got there, of course, he refused to go to the hospital. So, he went to the doctor today. They thought that he may have passed out because of his pace maker, but that was not the case. They do not really know what happened. But, they think that his blood pressure may have dropped. My father has low blood pressure to begin with because of the medication he takes for his heart failure. So, they have decided to cut back on some of his medications. He has to monitor his blood pressure daily and is not allowed to drive. He is thinking of selling his motorcycle. I think that it is a good idea that he not ride anymore... but that is hard for me to say. That is my dad's life, motorcycles. That is what he does everyday! I just can't imagine him not on a bike. And I know that he feels the same way. But, he needs to do what is best. He was just in a wreck two months ago. He has been very lucky both times with no serious injuries... the next time may not be the same outcome. But, I really believe that he has a guardian angel.

Also today Scott had his appointment with his oncologist. Not good news at all. He has stage IV melanoma. Which, is what I feared. They can not do surgery. The tumor in his lung is to close to his heart and they can not take the risk to do surgery. All they can really do at this point is to try to slow the growth and possibly try to shrink the tumors. But as far as curing the cancer, they can not. He still can not eat. He throws up everyday. They do not know why. He is in a lot of pain. They have given him very strong pain meds. I am trying my best to get out there next month. I need to see him. I am so scared for him. I talked to him a little bit ago, and he does not sound well at all. And how could he? I can not imagine what he is thinking right now. He pretty much feels like his life is over. I can not imagine this world without him. He is my best friend. He knows me inside and out. No one will ever understand me the way that Scott does. I am just so scared. I have to stop now... I am getting all upset again.

On to Better Things

TICKETS GO ON SALE TOMORROW!!!! Melissa, Charlotte... you girls betta get ready!! YAY!!! Woooooo. I don't care that most people think we are idiots. We are gonna have FUN FUN FUN!!!!

New song/video.... they are still cute! YAY!

Sums it up...

Lyrics:
(I realize)
All I want
All I need
Always lies just out of reach
I've been coming up empty

(I realize)
I ran as fast as I can run
I pushed as hard as anyone
But still there's nothing for me

(And I want)
I've tried as hard as I can
(And I need)
I've taken all I can stand
(And I fall)
But I am running a race
Against myself
Against myself, yeah

(I realize)
Burning out, strung along
Now my sorrow is my song
My whole world is half-hearted

(I realize)
For my pain I have none
After all is said and done
Now I'm back where I started

(And I want)
I've gone as far as I can
(And I need)
I've taken all I can stand
(And I fall)
But I am running a race
Against myself
Against myself, yeah

(And I want)
I've tried as hard as I can
(And I need)
I've taken all I can stand
(And I fall)
But I am losing the race
Against myself
Against myself, yeah

Huh?

OMG... I am so confused...



I don't get it... I don't know what to think... what are you doing to me??????

Boys suck....

Why......

...was I not born a gay man? WHY?



That is just to yummy for words....

Latest Update

Scott is home from the hospital. But, he was not given the results of the biopsy. They did not preform the lung biopsy. He has an appointment with an oncologist next week. So, needless to say. I am very confused as to what is going on out there...

First of all. I want to know why they did not do the other biopsy. I mean, seems like regardless of the results of one they should want to do both. Or, maybe Scott refused and is not telling us. I am not sure.

They said that we would have the results of the biopsy today.... so why did they not tell Scott anything today? But, by giving him an appointment with an oncologist seems to me that the tumor was malignant... so why wouldn't they just tell him that before he left the hospital. Or, is that just something else Scott is lying about.

Scott told me today that his mother wants him to move home if it is the melanoma. He said that he wants to stay in Arizona. She said that she would move out there to be with him. Now, he says that he doesn't want her to do that. But, I personally think that it wouldn't be that bad of an idea. If things start to go badly, he will need that support. I love him and miss him very much, but I don't think that I can handle him moving back to Louisiana. I hope that does not sound selfish of me. But, I really believe it would be bad for us both to go down that road again. And, I know myself. If he comes home to Louisiana, I am going to want to take care of him. Because that is just how I am. I can't help it. But, I really like the direction my life is going here at the moment. I don't want that to be hurt by this situation.

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!!! Why is life so damn confusing? Seriously? WHY?

How I Feel

Lyrics... (take most notice to the bolded words)

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didnt know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by
But I will try
I will try wipe the tears from my eyes

I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it

Every day is a new day I'm reminded of my past
Everytime theres another storm I know that it wont last
Every moment I'm filled with hope
cause i get another chance
But I will try I will try
Got nothing left to hide

Without the highs and the lows
Where will we go?
Where will we go?

I am beautifully broken, I am beautifully broken
I am beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it

Big Thanks

I just want to say thank you to all of yall for being so understanding, and caring. It really means so much to me. I know that I tend to pull away when bad things happen to me. I don't want that to worry yall at all. That is just how I deal with things. I just need time to let things soak in before I am really ready to talk about them.

Ollie, you have been texting me... checking up on me. Means so much to me to know that you are thinking of me... and I am actually waiting for you to call right now. LOL. Will be in about 15 minutes I will be talking with you.

Heather, you are so understanding. And also checking in on me to see how I am doing. I really appreciate all the good thoughts you send. You are an amazing friend.

Uree and Crystal, I know that I have not called either of yall. It is just that I have been busy when yall are up and when I am up, yall are sleeping. I hate this schedule and can't wait to get back to normal. Uree, you always give me my space. I am pretty sure that we are just to that point, that you know this about me already. I love you both so much.

Update.....

I talked to Scott and his mother today. She actually was able to give me more information then he did. He tends to leave things out sometimes. He had a CT guided biopsy of the tumor on his kidney today, which is the size of a peach. They also did more CT scans, an MRI, and a bone density scan. This morning he had to receive two units of blood because his blood count was low. Tonight he is to have a biopsy of the tumor in his lungs, which is the size of an egg. Scott also mentioned that they also believe that he may have some small tumors on his spinal cord. I asked him if they said anything further about this, he says no. He still can not keep any food down, and this just baffles me because I can not figure out the relationship of this to what is going on in his body. I told him this morning, that it sounds like we need Dr. House on the case! He seems to be in good spirits though. But I think he was just happy because he talked them into giving him Demerol. When I spoke to his mother she told me that they offered Scott to go on the Interferon treatment again, he refused. I do understand him not wanting that drug. It has HORRIBLE side effects. My dad was on it for two years for his Hep C, but it was small doses, and that made him sick. When Scott was taking it, he was on high doses five times a week. It made him very ill. He felt as if he had the flu for a month. This is also the time that he became suicidal. Was very scary times for the both of us. I was trying to go to school, work, and take care of him.

So, as of right now. I am just waiting to hear from him tomorrow. I really want to stay positive and wish for the best. But, yall, I have done so much research on this disease when he was first diagnosed... and it is very scary. And I am not sure whether he will want to do the treatment. And a part of me also understands that. So, I am just waiting.

Lost in Confusion.... Again

So, last week I got a phone call from Scott. He told me that he had not been feeling well. He said that he couldn't eat, and when he did eat he would often throw up. He told me that he also has a rash on his chest that just won't seem to go away and has been there for months. Then he told me that he had a "spot" on his arm. Possible mole, he said. But he couldn't really see it because it was on one of his tattoos. Well, as many of you know. Three years ago, Scott was diagnosed with stage three melanoma. So, when he started telling me all these things, I went into "freak out" mode. I told him that he MUST go see a doctor. Because when he was going through treatment, he just stopped. He has not been doing is regular CT scans, which he should have been doing two times a year. He is so damn hard headed. He fears the worst. And it is just like a man to wait. So, tonight when I woke up I had three text messages on my phone. The first one simply said something along the lines of, "I hate waiting in doctors offices. This sucks". I thought, OK good... he went to the doctor. Well, then I open the second one. It said that they found two masses in a CT scan today. One in his lungs, the other on his kidney. I called him. He said that they have not told him anything else yet. But they have admitted him to the hospital and will be doing a biopsy in the morning. His white blood cell count is very low. I want so badly to be able to be there with him. He is all alone out there. That also worries me. I fear that he will not do what he needs to do. The thing with Melanoma that most people don't realize. Once it is systemic, it is often fatal. We thought that he had beat it, because he had done so well after the first two surgeries. But I always had a feeling that this would happen, but tried so hard to stay optimistic. Melanoma is resistant to chemo, which makes it very hard to treat. Scott keeps saying that hopefully the tumors will be benign. And as much as I want that to be the case, I am not so sure. As he has one in his lungs and on his kidney. To me, that means it has metastasized. So I asked him what he planned on doing if they offer him a treatment plan... he said he does not know yet. I really want him to fight this. He has to try. But I am scared that he won't. He became very suicidal the first time. And he had so many people around him at that time. I am very worried about him out there in Arizona all alone. He has his roommates... but I don't know if they will really be able to offer the support that he will need to get through this. I am very scared. And as much as I want to stay positive... it is very hard since we have been here before. I really wish I could just be with him. I know how alone I am feeling right now... I can't imagine what he is feeling.

Waiting for LA

I am getting sooooo bored. I need an adventure. I can not wait for June 27th! Los Angeles, here we come. Can't wait!!!!!!

I am excited to see Ollie again. And of course James! I am also really excited to meet everyone else from the World of Wonder. I hope I get to meet Lenora Claire and Daniel Franzese!!! I would really love to meet Clint Catalyst... but he is always so busy doing stuff, so not so sure that will happen. But, would be awesome if it did!

But, as usual. I am freaking out about clothes. Typical girl stuff... hahahaha. But seriously. I need to go shopping. In serious need of some cute, yet comfy, clothes. Thinking about cute skirts with cute tops and flip flops. Casual, yet still cute. I am going to go kidnap my friend Charlotte and have her help me pick out some stuff. YAY! Only 19 more fricken days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Right Stuff

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!

Guess who is coming to New Orleans in October?? New Kids on the Block!!!! And guess who is going to see them?? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! hahahahahaha, I can't fucking wait!!!!



Totally can't wait to be singing along to my fav childhood songs!!