I am trying really hard to be excited about tomorrow! And I am. But, work really sucks right now! OMG. More drama tonight. I don't know what is going to happen. But it really really sucks.
Plus, today is my Mom's birthday. I wish that I could call her. I am really scared for her. My grandma says that she is not doing well. She thinks that her kids will forget her and that we don't need her anymore. I sent her a birthday card. I have gotten to the point where I don't even know what to put in cards and letters. I know that nothing I say will make her feel better. And I feel to guilty to tell her about the good parts of my life right now. I don't want to parade it in front of her what she can not have. I really miss her.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Update on Me
I am so thankful for all the caring friends I have right now. I know that I have not been answering peoples calls and text messages and I am sorry for that. I don't mean anything by it. I am just trying to gather my feelings and thoughts.
And life just keeps getting better and better. When I got home Scott picked me up from the airport. He informed me that he is leaving on the 28th. Which is next week. I am not sure how I am really dealing with this. I know that he and I are not together anymore, but it still really hurts me to know that he is moving away. He is my best friend. We have been through so much together. It is hard to imagine my life without him.
Stuff at work really sucks. There are lots of issues going on that I really can not talk about. But it sucks and is very stressful. I think that they are going to call a mandatory meeting on Feb 1st. Which is the day I requested off because I wanted to get an early start to New Orleans to check into the hotel with everyone. But now it is looking like I will have to work after all. I mean, I really can use the extra time. But it just seems like nothing is going right at this point in my life.
My mom's birthday is Jan 31st. Sucks that she has to be in that place for her birthday! And she is still in county jail, so I can not send her anything but a card and money. I really don't know if I was just that ignorant and hopeful. I really thought that she would be getting out of that place all together. After hearing her side of the story, I knew in my heart that there was no way that jury could find her guilty! But the tricks that the DA pulled out at the last minute... what he left the jury with. It was unbelievable! It was lies and things to confuse people! I have totally lost my faith in the justice system all together. The fact the lawyers can say whatever they want in their closing statements is beyond me! The lies! Every time Mom's lawyer tried to object to something, the judge would over rule it or whatever. I am just baffled. I am overwhelmed and lost. There are so many things that mom's lawyer did not say! And so much that the jury obviously did not pick up on on their own. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Uree, Sunshine, Shelly.... I will be calling soon. I just have not felt like talking with anyone. I called my best friend this morning. She is the first person I have talked to. It was hard. I still haven't even called my dad. That also really upsets me. I don't understand why he has not tried to call me. Whatever, I guess I am supposed to do all the work in our relationship. And I had better call soon, or I will be getting another evil call from my step monster. But I will soon start calling you all. I do miss you very much.
And life just keeps getting better and better. When I got home Scott picked me up from the airport. He informed me that he is leaving on the 28th. Which is next week. I am not sure how I am really dealing with this. I know that he and I are not together anymore, but it still really hurts me to know that he is moving away. He is my best friend. We have been through so much together. It is hard to imagine my life without him.
Stuff at work really sucks. There are lots of issues going on that I really can not talk about. But it sucks and is very stressful. I think that they are going to call a mandatory meeting on Feb 1st. Which is the day I requested off because I wanted to get an early start to New Orleans to check into the hotel with everyone. But now it is looking like I will have to work after all. I mean, I really can use the extra time. But it just seems like nothing is going right at this point in my life.
My mom's birthday is Jan 31st. Sucks that she has to be in that place for her birthday! And she is still in county jail, so I can not send her anything but a card and money. I really don't know if I was just that ignorant and hopeful. I really thought that she would be getting out of that place all together. After hearing her side of the story, I knew in my heart that there was no way that jury could find her guilty! But the tricks that the DA pulled out at the last minute... what he left the jury with. It was unbelievable! It was lies and things to confuse people! I have totally lost my faith in the justice system all together. The fact the lawyers can say whatever they want in their closing statements is beyond me! The lies! Every time Mom's lawyer tried to object to something, the judge would over rule it or whatever. I am just baffled. I am overwhelmed and lost. There are so many things that mom's lawyer did not say! And so much that the jury obviously did not pick up on on their own. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Uree, Sunshine, Shelly.... I will be calling soon. I just have not felt like talking with anyone. I called my best friend this morning. She is the first person I have talked to. It was hard. I still haven't even called my dad. That also really upsets me. I don't understand why he has not tried to call me. Whatever, I guess I am supposed to do all the work in our relationship. And I had better call soon, or I will be getting another evil call from my step monster. But I will soon start calling you all. I do miss you very much.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Lost in Devestation
So, I know that I have said that I would call many of you and let you know what is going on, but it has been really hard for me to even pick up the phone.
Yesterday the jury got to the courthouse at 8:00 am. We too were there. Waiting for their verdict. I am guessing that many of yall have figured out why I have not been around. The jury found my mother guilty of both charges. Attempt murder in the first degree and aggravated assault. The minimum sentence that she can receive is 16 years. so, to all those that told me not to sweat it, that she would probably serve 2 years... you all did not know what you were talking about. I had felt so dumb for many months feeling scared that my mother would be locked away for 20 years and so many people told that it wouldn't happen like that, that it just couldn't. Well, guess what... that is what it is looking like now. Then the fucking investigator on the DA side said that he wants the judge to consider 24 years as a minimum. What a fucking asshole! I don't understand what he has to gain but making her serve those extra years! At this time I do not feel like going into details of the case. There are many complicated things that are involved. And the DA is a fucking asshole. I know that he is doing his job, but he LIED in his closing statements! Even the investigator on my mom's side was crying yesterday! We have been told that there is a huge issue that they can bring to appeal. So I am trying very hard to be confident that my mother can stay strong and go through the appeal process and win. Mom doesn't seem to think that it will do her any good unless we hire an attorney that specializes in self defence cases.
I know what my mother had been going through up in the canyon with Steve. She had been calling me for months before the shooting happened crying about what he was doing to her. She had so much proof of domestic violence against her by him. I just don't fucking understand why 12 fucking people could all think that she was guilty. Steve was up on the stand fucking laughing about himself being an idiot or having 4 loaded guns in the house with 2 small children! Yes, that is what I said, 4 loaded guns!! Not locked up! Out in the open!!! And he is charged with NOTHING!!!!! Argh!
When I am feeling more up to it, I will post more about the case and the fucked up things that happened. I am just so upset and lost right now! Oh, and to top it all off. The sentencing hearing is February 4th. Now, how in the hell am I supposed to be out having fun at Mardi Gras, knowing that my mother will be receiving her sentence to prison!?!? My life is upside down right now. I don't even know how I will make it to work Sunday. Although when I talked to mom yesterday night, she told me to go on with my life. That I can do nothing for her now and shouldn't cry about it.
I dunno. I am gonna go for now. I miss you all and when I am ready to talk, I will call. I am going to be OK. I am surrounded by family right now so don't worry about me. Love you all.
Yesterday the jury got to the courthouse at 8:00 am. We too were there. Waiting for their verdict. I am guessing that many of yall have figured out why I have not been around. The jury found my mother guilty of both charges. Attempt murder in the first degree and aggravated assault. The minimum sentence that she can receive is 16 years. so, to all those that told me not to sweat it, that she would probably serve 2 years... you all did not know what you were talking about. I had felt so dumb for many months feeling scared that my mother would be locked away for 20 years and so many people told that it wouldn't happen like that, that it just couldn't. Well, guess what... that is what it is looking like now. Then the fucking investigator on the DA side said that he wants the judge to consider 24 years as a minimum. What a fucking asshole! I don't understand what he has to gain but making her serve those extra years! At this time I do not feel like going into details of the case. There are many complicated things that are involved. And the DA is a fucking asshole. I know that he is doing his job, but he LIED in his closing statements! Even the investigator on my mom's side was crying yesterday! We have been told that there is a huge issue that they can bring to appeal. So I am trying very hard to be confident that my mother can stay strong and go through the appeal process and win. Mom doesn't seem to think that it will do her any good unless we hire an attorney that specializes in self defence cases.
I know what my mother had been going through up in the canyon with Steve. She had been calling me for months before the shooting happened crying about what he was doing to her. She had so much proof of domestic violence against her by him. I just don't fucking understand why 12 fucking people could all think that she was guilty. Steve was up on the stand fucking laughing about himself being an idiot or having 4 loaded guns in the house with 2 small children! Yes, that is what I said, 4 loaded guns!! Not locked up! Out in the open!!! And he is charged with NOTHING!!!!! Argh!
When I am feeling more up to it, I will post more about the case and the fucked up things that happened. I am just so upset and lost right now! Oh, and to top it all off. The sentencing hearing is February 4th. Now, how in the hell am I supposed to be out having fun at Mardi Gras, knowing that my mother will be receiving her sentence to prison!?!? My life is upside down right now. I don't even know how I will make it to work Sunday. Although when I talked to mom yesterday night, she told me to go on with my life. That I can do nothing for her now and shouldn't cry about it.
I dunno. I am gonna go for now. I miss you all and when I am ready to talk, I will call. I am going to be OK. I am surrounded by family right now so don't worry about me. Love you all.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Almost There
So, you all know where I am and why. I am in Colorao for my mother's trial. Yesterday was jury selection and my first time meeting everyone involved in the case. After meeting my mother's lawyer we are just kind of chit chatting. He tells me that he too is from Louisiana. We talk a bit about that. Then he comes up to me and says, "We have you as a potential witness, which means I am going to have to ask you to leave the court room." Of course, what do I do? Bust into tears! I can not beleive that I was kicked out of the court room because I MIGHT be a witness. I have been waiting seven months to hear my mother's side of the story and I get kicked out. So, I go sit outside the court room. At 11:00 break, my grandmothers friend offers to drive me home so that I don't have to sit there all alone. I get to my grandmother's and in about 2 hours, my aunt calls me telling me that she too was kicked out of the court room. Her and her husband had been supeanaed by the DA. But, they were not on the intial witness list, which I heard the DA call out. Then after lunch my grandparents are told that they may need to be rebuttle witnesses, so they too were asked to leave the courtroom. We all go the boot! But my aunt and gramdma had friends that stayed after jury selection and heard the DA's opening statements.
Today we all went back to the court house. We are allowed to sit in the court room before court starts. So mom was able to see us and the jury also saw that we were there to suport her. And we will be there until the end. Also my aunt and grandma's friend came again today and also one of mom's friend. So she has the support. I think that may be important for the jury to see so many there for her. Shows that she has a place on the "outside". At this point I don't have anything else to share about what is happening and what is going on in that room because we are not in there and not allowed to talk about it with anyone. But we have been informed that we can purchase transcripts of the trial when it is done. We all agree that we want to read it.
I have a feeling that tomorrow will be the last day. So everyone keep my mom in your thoughts. Her and I have had a very rocky relationship. She has done many things that have hurt me in the past. But she is still my mother and I love her. I don't know what will happen to her if she is convicted. She is a very strong and intelligent woman, but not everyone is made for a life in prison. She does not belong there. And even though I do not know her side of the story at this point, I know that there is so much more then what has been told by other parties.
Love you all!! Thank you to all of you that have always been there for me. It means a lot to me! Even if I am getting phone calls at 5:45 in the morning!! =P
Today we all went back to the court house. We are allowed to sit in the court room before court starts. So mom was able to see us and the jury also saw that we were there to suport her. And we will be there until the end. Also my aunt and grandma's friend came again today and also one of mom's friend. So she has the support. I think that may be important for the jury to see so many there for her. Shows that she has a place on the "outside". At this point I don't have anything else to share about what is happening and what is going on in that room because we are not in there and not allowed to talk about it with anyone. But we have been informed that we can purchase transcripts of the trial when it is done. We all agree that we want to read it.
I have a feeling that tomorrow will be the last day. So everyone keep my mom in your thoughts. Her and I have had a very rocky relationship. She has done many things that have hurt me in the past. But she is still my mother and I love her. I don't know what will happen to her if she is convicted. She is a very strong and intelligent woman, but not everyone is made for a life in prison. She does not belong there. And even though I do not know her side of the story at this point, I know that there is so much more then what has been told by other parties.
Love you all!! Thank you to all of you that have always been there for me. It means a lot to me! Even if I am getting phone calls at 5:45 in the morning!! =P
Thursday, January 10, 2008
What the hell is in their water...
... in Alabama!
My friend Charlotte came over the other night and showed me these videos. We then figured out that both were in Alabama. Seriously, what is going on out there? LOL
She showed me this one first. Now we have all seen these cheesey furniture commercials right? But this guys flea market commercial is too fucking funny! His eyes are like bugging out of his head and he seriously thinks that he is the shit!
A band, Family Force 5, goes to Flea Market Montgomery!! And invites the guy to sing at one of their shows.
OK... now this one, I have no words.
You gotta love the woman in the car! "It might be a crack head that got a hold of some bad stuff." Hahahahahahahaha
My friend Charlotte came over the other night and showed me these videos. We then figured out that both were in Alabama. Seriously, what is going on out there? LOL
She showed me this one first. Now we have all seen these cheesey furniture commercials right? But this guys flea market commercial is too fucking funny! His eyes are like bugging out of his head and he seriously thinks that he is the shit!
A band, Family Force 5, goes to Flea Market Montgomery!! And invites the guy to sing at one of their shows.
OK... now this one, I have no words.
You gotta love the woman in the car! "It might be a crack head that got a hold of some bad stuff." Hahahahahahahaha
Monday, January 7, 2008
Aaahhhhhhhhh
So, one week from now I will be sitting in a court room and I am totally starting to freak the fuck out. How am I going to do this? I am so scared. And I feel as if I am being selfish, because I know that my mother is very scared. But a part of me can't help but think that she should be. The more evidence that I hear about what happened that night. Things that have been proven have just filled my head with nothing but doubt. I mean, please don't think that I am heartless. I love my mother, but I also know her. And it is a very sad and painful thing to realize that your mother is actually capable of doing the things she has done. Whether it be planned or in the heat of the moment. Doesn't matter. She still went through with it. I got a phone call today from an investigator. It was a very hard conversation. I had to be honest. I am not so sure that I helped much. I am so torn and scared. And right now I am so lonely. I miss Scott being here to comfort and hug me. I need physical affection right now and have no one in my life that can give it to me. Argh! I was doing fine until I got that fucking phone call. Now here I am back in freak out mode. God, please just let this be over with. I am ready to put it behind me and have some closure.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
William Bitches!!
OK, so I have been browsing random shit on youtube and found this adorable guy! William Sledd is his name and he is too fucking cute. I have never subscribed to anything on youtube... but I just did to his page. Here is the first video I saw of him. I love love what he says about the overalls. OMG, too funny!!!!
But all of the videos I have watched are good too!! So if you are bored and want to watch a cute twink from Kentucky, here ya go!
But all of the videos I have watched are good too!! So if you are bored and want to watch a cute twink from Kentucky, here ya go!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
I Want One
Please God, if I ever have a boy. Please give me one like this.
Thanks WOW for posting this! I love it!!!!
Thanks WOW for posting this! I love it!!!!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Best of 2007
I kept thinking yesterday that I needed to also have a meaningful, witty post about the new year. But the more I thought about it, I thought of how thankful I am for all of the people I have met in 2007.
James St James
James St James
Without James I would not have met all of the other really important people in my life now.
My dear sweet and beautiful....
Melissa
The sunshine of my life....
Crystal
The funniest most sincere gal I know....
Shelly
The rockstar that makes shit happen....
Rhonda
The arrival of the newest member of my family, my godchild....
Caden
And as you all know, I have also had heartbreaks this year as well. And bringing in the new year I do not want to dwell on them. But I also feel they are important to mention.
My mother
Scott
But I must say that I finished off the year the best possible way I could. With good people in the perfect location. I know that 2008 will be better then 2007. I have so many good people in my life now, it can only get better from here!!!
Friday, December 28, 2007
ASSHOLE!!
I have no more time and no more I'm sorry's to say. I trusted someone and called them one of my best friends and I get shit on!!! So... who is this ass you may ask? You guess.
Not that great of an ass, is it? So I am probably really starting the war now. But I don't care. I have tried many many times to reach out to this person. I get hung up on and ignored. Well, FUCK YOU WHITNEY! You are now dead to me! I want my fucking shit back! I think that Whitney and Guy would be perfect for each other. They can give each other tips on how to hurt their hags! Assholes.
Not that great of an ass, is it? So I am probably really starting the war now. But I don't care. I have tried many many times to reach out to this person. I get hung up on and ignored. Well, FUCK YOU WHITNEY! You are now dead to me! I want my fucking shit back! I think that Whitney and Guy would be perfect for each other. They can give each other tips on how to hurt their hags! Assholes.
Friday, December 21, 2007
This Crazy Thing Called Life
I haven't blogged in a while. Things have been very crazy for me lately. I worked 60 hours this week. I am so tired. It was not by choice and it was crazy hours. Working til 11 pm then having to be back at work at 7 in the morning. I am just so wiped out!! There are serious things going on that I can not comment on. But I can say that I am very tired!!!
My mother's trial is coming up very soon. Less then a month! I have worked it out with work to be able to take the time off. And I wasn't going to go, but I have decided that I need to go. Not just for her, but also for me. I need to hear her side of the story. I need to suport her no matter how much she has hurt me in the past. She is still my mother and I love her. I need to be there for her.
Things with Scott and I are going fine. We are still friends. However, I know that this will change once one of us starts dating. I know that I am not planning on dating for a while. I can't even be bothered to shave my legs lately. I don't think I need to be dating. LOL
I am looking forward to Febuary though. I seriously will need it, and it will be two weeks after my mother's trial. I'd say it is very much needed!!! I am so excited to see everyone again!!! Crystal, you have seriously become one of my closest friends. I cherish what we have! Shelly, you my dear are one of the most honest, straight forward, creative people I have met in a very long time! You are so sincere, but can also have a serious conversation and still crack a joke and be spot on!!! I am also looking forward to seeing Rhonda again!! I have not talked to her since Dallas and we totally hit it off! I can't wait to party with the rock star that makes shit happen! And Troy, can't fucking wait to see in that straight jacket! (He will be getting a spanking from me!! tehe) Liam, Annieka, and Ollie.... can't wait to meet yall!!! You have always been so sweet and always there for me when I need to vent! God, the fun we are all going to have!!!!! Plus, the newest addition. OMG. I can't fucking wait!!! Melissa my dear, you know how much you mean to me! I will be seeing you soon!!!! New Years at the River with Troy!! Can't fucking wait!!!!!
OK... I did not mean for this post to become all fucking "mushy". Come on Shelly, let me know how ya really feel about all my mushy talk!!!!!
My mother's trial is coming up very soon. Less then a month! I have worked it out with work to be able to take the time off. And I wasn't going to go, but I have decided that I need to go. Not just for her, but also for me. I need to hear her side of the story. I need to suport her no matter how much she has hurt me in the past. She is still my mother and I love her. I need to be there for her.
Things with Scott and I are going fine. We are still friends. However, I know that this will change once one of us starts dating. I know that I am not planning on dating for a while. I can't even be bothered to shave my legs lately. I don't think I need to be dating. LOL
I am looking forward to Febuary though. I seriously will need it, and it will be two weeks after my mother's trial. I'd say it is very much needed!!! I am so excited to see everyone again!!! Crystal, you have seriously become one of my closest friends. I cherish what we have! Shelly, you my dear are one of the most honest, straight forward, creative people I have met in a very long time! You are so sincere, but can also have a serious conversation and still crack a joke and be spot on!!! I am also looking forward to seeing Rhonda again!! I have not talked to her since Dallas and we totally hit it off! I can't wait to party with the rock star that makes shit happen! And Troy, can't fucking wait to see in that straight jacket! (He will be getting a spanking from me!! tehe) Liam, Annieka, and Ollie.... can't wait to meet yall!!! You have always been so sweet and always there for me when I need to vent! God, the fun we are all going to have!!!!! Plus, the newest addition. OMG. I can't fucking wait!!! Melissa my dear, you know how much you mean to me! I will be seeing you soon!!!! New Years at the River with Troy!! Can't fucking wait!!!!!
OK... I did not mean for this post to become all fucking "mushy". Come on Shelly, let me know how ya really feel about all my mushy talk!!!!!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Moving On
So an update from yesterday:
Scott is moving out.... as I type this. But last night went very smooth. No fighting. He had me open my Christmas presents. We ate dinner. He slept in the bed. Got up at nine and started packing his truck.
I am still shocked that this is all happening. And when I read the post I made yesterday, WOW. I was pissed! It wasn't just the whore that he went out with. It was a group of people. I think I made it sound worse then it really was. Doesn't matter. The whore is mad at me for hanging up on her. Blah blah blah. I could care less about her. Never really liked her from the begining. But, I am hurt that all of this is ending. It is bittersweet. Scott and I have really been through a lot together. I think it was all the fucked up shit that kept us together so long.
I know in my heart, no matter how much it hurts, that this is the right move for me. I know that I can do it without him here. I did it for two years. But I would be lying if I said that I won't miss him. This is such a confusing time for me. I am happy, relieved, sad, and still mad all at the same time.
Scott is moving out.... as I type this. But last night went very smooth. No fighting. He had me open my Christmas presents. We ate dinner. He slept in the bed. Got up at nine and started packing his truck.
I am still shocked that this is all happening. And when I read the post I made yesterday, WOW. I was pissed! It wasn't just the whore that he went out with. It was a group of people. I think I made it sound worse then it really was. Doesn't matter. The whore is mad at me for hanging up on her. Blah blah blah. I could care less about her. Never really liked her from the begining. But, I am hurt that all of this is ending. It is bittersweet. Scott and I have really been through a lot together. I think it was all the fucked up shit that kept us together so long.
I know in my heart, no matter how much it hurts, that this is the right move for me. I know that I can do it without him here. I did it for two years. But I would be lying if I said that I won't miss him. This is such a confusing time for me. I am happy, relieved, sad, and still mad all at the same time.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Today May Be the Day
I have a feeling that Scott and I are about to split. We both had separate plans last night. I went out with my cousin, and he went out with a whore and her friends. Why do I call her a whore? Well, for starters she married one of Scott's brothers and had two kids. Divorced him, married a different brother and had another kid. Got divorced. Married another man... not one of Scott's brothers, and had another kid. No longer has any of her kids. I think she said because she went back to school, or whatever. I don't really know. Anyways, so he went to a bar with her. I went to a play with my cousin. I asked him if he would be gone all night, he stated no. I also gave him $40 so that he could drink. Scott is a big boy, and $40 at a bar is nothing for him. So, anyways. 3:00 am rolls around. He is still not here, so I go to bed. I figure he would be home soon. I wake up at 5:30 am, still not here. I try to all. Phone off. I leave a message. 6:3o rolls around. Now I am starting to get worried. So I call his mother for the "whore's" phone number. I tell her what is going on, she gives me the number. I call, she doesn't answer. I leave a message. Another hour passes. His mother calls me back and says that Scott is at the whore's house. The whore's sister told her that Scott "overdid" it last night and they took his keys and he slept at the whore's house. So, I call him. Leave another message about how pissed I am that I didn't even get a phone call from him! Well folks, it is almost 11:30. I still have not heard from him. I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THIS KIND OF CRAP!!! I am too tired mentally to deal with this shit. And I swear to God, if he slept with her, I will never fucking touch him again. I don't mean in a sexual way. I literally will never touch him again!
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