Lost in Confusion.... Again

So, last week I got a phone call from Scott. He told me that he had not been feeling well. He said that he couldn't eat, and when he did eat he would often throw up. He told me that he also has a rash on his chest that just won't seem to go away and has been there for months. Then he told me that he had a "spot" on his arm. Possible mole, he said. But he couldn't really see it because it was on one of his tattoos. Well, as many of you know. Three years ago, Scott was diagnosed with stage three melanoma. So, when he started telling me all these things, I went into "freak out" mode. I told him that he MUST go see a doctor. Because when he was going through treatment, he just stopped. He has not been doing is regular CT scans, which he should have been doing two times a year. He is so damn hard headed. He fears the worst. And it is just like a man to wait. So, tonight when I woke up I had three text messages on my phone. The first one simply said something along the lines of, "I hate waiting in doctors offices. This sucks". I thought, OK good... he went to the doctor. Well, then I open the second one. It said that they found two masses in a CT scan today. One in his lungs, the other on his kidney. I called him. He said that they have not told him anything else yet. But they have admitted him to the hospital and will be doing a biopsy in the morning. His white blood cell count is very low. I want so badly to be able to be there with him. He is all alone out there. That also worries me. I fear that he will not do what he needs to do. The thing with Melanoma that most people don't realize. Once it is systemic, it is often fatal. We thought that he had beat it, because he had done so well after the first two surgeries. But I always had a feeling that this would happen, but tried so hard to stay optimistic. Melanoma is resistant to chemo, which makes it very hard to treat. Scott keeps saying that hopefully the tumors will be benign. And as much as I want that to be the case, I am not so sure. As he has one in his lungs and on his kidney. To me, that means it has metastasized. So I asked him what he planned on doing if they offer him a treatment plan... he said he does not know yet. I really want him to fight this. He has to try. But I am scared that he won't. He became very suicidal the first time. And he had so many people around him at that time. I am very worried about him out there in Arizona all alone. He has his roommates... but I don't know if they will really be able to offer the support that he will need to get through this. I am very scared. And as much as I want to stay positive... it is very hard since we have been here before. I really wish I could just be with him. I know how alone I am feeling right now... I can't imagine what he is feeling.